Monday, September 15, 2008

Weekend in hell….err, Dallas: Part Uno (01.04.08)

I was really looking forward to going to Dallas last weekend, for the New Year, and spending time with my best friend and her family. Good things happened, but from what I can recall, the bad may have outweighed the good.First Night

Ahhhh, the first night visiting. Everyone’s glad to see everyone else. People are happy. Kids are decent. Dog is good. Or that’s what my stupid brain had me thinking for the first 5 minutes!Hmmm. Did I sleep the first night? Nope! Sure didn’t, Bob! I was up cleaning couch covers all night long. Let me digress.

My friends have a huge “L” couch that numerous people could fit on. Seeing how there’s only 3 of them, I’m not sure what they were thinking when they bought it. Maybe when they had 20 kids they could line them all up on it. No really….it’s a nice couch, comfy, you can fall into it, and just about everyone from both families could fit on it. Sooooooo….I’m laying on the couch with “All My Children” when I’m getting ready to go to sleep. I figure I’ll just stay downstairs and save myself the trouble when someone needs something to drink, diaper change, etc. I was kissing the kids good night, when I realize……….. Smartie pissed on the couch. Lovely. That’s the exact word that came to my mind. She couldn’t have picked a more expensive couch to pee on unless we’d been at Saks or something. I stay up the next 1.5 hours trying to get the flipping cover off the cushion, so I can wash, dry and put it back on before telling Jackie.

Fast-forward a bit….I’m heaving and huffing, trying to stomp the cushion back into the cover, and finally! I get it. I put it back on the couch, and then kiss the kids goodnight, again. This time at 3:00 a.m………ooohhhh…..the time when the spirits are most active. Apparently there was a spirit of bodily excrement following me around. When I got to Smartie, guess what I found? JUST GUESS! Another patch-o-piss! Seriously! It’s a conspiracy!!!! This was followed by more foul language, washing, drying, and stuffing. I finished up around 7:00 a.m. Why go back to sleep now? The day is just getting started!!!!!

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