It all started on a beautiful Tuesday. Little did I know, it would turn into another day of pure joy straight from the blackest pits of hell.
Round 1 – Mother’s Day Out Christmas Un-Program:
My daughter Smartie doesn’t like most people at first glance (or 5th either). She does, however, LOVE performing at her loudest, singing and dancing in front of the TV or the person that’s nearest. Tuesday night she had a Mother’s Day Out program, with singing involved. WOOHOO! My child will be a star! That’s actually an inaccurate description. She was more along the lines of a bulldog. She was placed in line by a child (to remain nameless) that was NOT of the best influence. By the time he shoved her, and the other boy jerked her hair, she was pissed. I was completely surprised she didn’t punch anyone in the face. Did she sing? Hell no. Just stood with arms crossed, the meanest look I’ve seen in a while on her face, snarling. That’s my girl!!!!!
Round 2 – CoolTeen's First Un-Performance in the Band:
I leave Smartie's activities to go straight to see my genius son’s first performance in the school band. Ever. Me, Mom, Smartie, Cookie & Peabody…we’re all there. We sit in the middle of a row where we *think* we can see CoolTeen. I feel a pang in my belly. Not good, I can tell. The Band Director then announces that no one is allowed to get up during the performance, because it’s being recorded. Lovely. I start getting hot and fanning myself. All I needed to add was “I do de-clah-uh.” Anyhow, blah, blah, end of performance, and no CoolTeen in sight. I finally found him OUTSIDE. Huh? Long story short, some jerk stole his instrument, and he didn’t get to play. I was acting calm and serene, as usual, ready to beat the everloving monkey piss out of somebody. Anybody. The teacher? The other kid? An innocent bystander? All would have worked at the minute.
Round 3 - TKO:
Therefore, I got my video camera all ready for NOTHING, both times. Then I remembered I forgot the FLIPPING CAMERA at HOME ANYHOW!!!!!!!!!!!! I quit. You’re all fired!