How could Saturday get any worse than the past 2 days? Pretty easily, I guess. I should know by now to NEVER under ANY circumstances ask that question. Things can ALWAYS get worse.
Saturday I was pretty tired, especially after staying up 2 nights with Cookie. I just wanted to stay in my pj’s all day and lounge around. That didn’t happen. You know what? Pathetically, it must’ve been SUCH a tragic day…I can’t remember a damn thing. Honestly. Who even knows what happened. I do know that vomit, and fever, both occurred.
That evening I remember just fine though. It involved a trip to the stupid E.R. It was about 6 p.m., and Cookie’s fever was rising. It got to 104.3 and I threw her butt in the tub. After a cool bath and motrin, it only came down to 103.9, so we headed to the hospital. It was a hospital we’d never been to before, but was the closest to our house. They were pretty good there…nothing to write home about, but decent enough. After numerous hours, a few chest x-rays, blood work, and a bag of fluids, we were sent home with a diagnosis of pneumonia.
One thing really pissed me off while we were there though (imagine!). When we were taken to Radiology, the tech was sitting in a waiting area watching TV. No big deal. They weren’t busy, no one was there really, so I didn’t mind. What I did mind was when it came time to do the x-ray. Every hospital I’ve EVER been to has ALWAYS asked “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?” before taking an x-ray. If you don’t know already, I’m 20 weeks along with Baby #4. Easily showing my pregnant belly (thank you, crappy wasted ab muscles). The tech asked me to sit Cookie in a chair a certain way and to step aside for the x-ray. I asked him “Don’t I need to go out since I’m pregnant?” He apologized, said he couldn’t tell (which made me happy for a split second), and I went out of the room. The 2nd x-ray was different though. He said he absolutely couldn’t get by without having someone else help with the x-ray, because he needed someone to hold Cookie’s arms up out of the way. He said although he hated to do it, there was no other choice than to have me stay in the room. I did wear 2 different pieces of protection (a vest and a belly belt), and I’m 99% positive nothing will come of it. I wasn’t pissed because of exposure really, but just the fact that they didn’t have anyone else on staff to help. I’m sure there are plenty of pregnant chicks who’ve had to take x-rays of some part of their body before, no big deal. Just the “idea” of it all. Morons.
Showing posts with label vomit. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vomit. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Making Mom work for her title, Part Deux
Halloween is here, and we’re ready to hit the streets for more candy! We HAD plans to go to our friend’s house to let the kids trick-or-treat…but, noooooooooo. I don’t think so! The day went fairly well. I worked a bit, and then picked up my Mom, Smartie and Cookie to head to town. Cookie was doing okay, just a bit of belly issues, but nothing major…or so I thought. After buying a sewing machine (SO excited!!!), some fabric, and other crap I never knew I needed, we headed back to Mom’s house.
A few hours later, TooCool dragged in from school. Since I’m such an awesome and understanding mother, I ungrounded him after bringing some grades up to a decent level. He wanted to go to a friend’s house and to a Halloween party (and to stay the night), so I got all the kids dressed up, and took him down the road. I was on my way to my friends house with the girls when I heard a gag. With one quick flip of the rear-view mirror, I witnessed Cookie decorating her car seat with “white stuff”. Smartie did the logical thing, and started laughing. I was gagging, and figured it would be quicker to drive back to my Mom’s house a few miles down the road, instead of pulling over and taking care of matters. Apparently Cookie didn’t think I was going fast enough, so she proceeded to hurl vomit like a fire house. Quite the pro, that girl. She continued until she had decorated nearly my entire back seat, floorboard, car seat, and back of my seat. I even took pictures to show to my friend, so she’d believe I wasn’t b.s.’ing at the last minute (and just for fun, to show Cookie what she put me through as a baby). Although this is supposed to be an anonymous blog, it’s getting hard for me to keep it that way. Soooo….after I get home later and download the pics off the camera, I’ll be posting them for your viewing pleasure. Aren’t I sweet?
We stood out in Mom’s driveway with the water hose, and I cleaned out the carseat, stripped Cookie down to her skivvies and cleaned her up, and got settled. Peabody and I decided he’d come to Mom’s house to watch Cookie, and I’d take Smartie to my friend’s house for trick-or-treating. All in all, it was a good evening. I got some awesome treat’s while visiting my friend – super awesome chocolate-chip cupcake things, and rice krispy treats, and Dr. P! J Smartie had fun running the neighborhood, and made out with a pretty good sized sack of candy.
We got home around 10:00 and did exciting things like watch t.v.! (and wondered when I’d get to use my new sewing machine…still in the box in the back of my car).
A few hours later, TooCool dragged in from school. Since I’m such an awesome and understanding mother, I ungrounded him after bringing some grades up to a decent level. He wanted to go to a friend’s house and to a Halloween party (and to stay the night), so I got all the kids dressed up, and took him down the road. I was on my way to my friends house with the girls when I heard a gag. With one quick flip of the rear-view mirror, I witnessed Cookie decorating her car seat with “white stuff”. Smartie did the logical thing, and started laughing. I was gagging, and figured it would be quicker to drive back to my Mom’s house a few miles down the road, instead of pulling over and taking care of matters. Apparently Cookie didn’t think I was going fast enough, so she proceeded to hurl vomit like a fire house. Quite the pro, that girl. She continued until she had decorated nearly my entire back seat, floorboard, car seat, and back of my seat. I even took pictures to show to my friend, so she’d believe I wasn’t b.s.’ing at the last minute (and just for fun, to show Cookie what she put me through as a baby). Although this is supposed to be an anonymous blog, it’s getting hard for me to keep it that way. Soooo….after I get home later and download the pics off the camera, I’ll be posting them for your viewing pleasure. Aren’t I sweet?
We stood out in Mom’s driveway with the water hose, and I cleaned out the carseat, stripped Cookie down to her skivvies and cleaned her up, and got settled. Peabody and I decided he’d come to Mom’s house to watch Cookie, and I’d take Smartie to my friend’s house for trick-or-treating. All in all, it was a good evening. I got some awesome treat’s while visiting my friend – super awesome chocolate-chip cupcake things, and rice krispy treats, and Dr. P! J Smartie had fun running the neighborhood, and made out with a pretty good sized sack of candy.
We got home around 10:00 and did exciting things like watch t.v.! (and wondered when I’d get to use my new sewing machine…still in the box in the back of my car).
A Crappy Story, A Ponderance of Puke, A Fable of Fever?
Part Uno
Before I get to the good stuff, I’m sure you noticed I baled on the promise of writing every day in November…since it IS November 3rd, and today’s the first day of posting. But I have a pretty good excuse. I mean, it’s no “dog ate my homework”, but a real, valid, excuse. Take it or don’t. I don’t care.
Ahhh glorious Thursday! Practically Friday, and I’m happy. Cookie decided to have diarrhea that morning before school, but it wasn’t a big deal. Nothing I couldn’t handle (Now Peabody? That’s another story.) Took her to school, where she was THE cutest scarecrow I’ve ever personally seen. She made it through the day playing and having fun. When I went to get her out at 2:30, I noticed she was wearing a different outfit. I felt so fortunate to have missed the diarrhea scandal that had gone down 5 minutes before! Apparently she could’ve won a contest for crapping at that point….out of the diaper, down the legs, on the clothes, etc. That’s my girl!
A few hours later it was time to take Smartie to gymnastics. We dropped her off and headed to Books-A-Million to pick up the best books ever in the world!!!! (Twilight series – but that’s another post!). We made it to the 2nd row when I heard something I was unsure of. The foul smell that followed gave me a clear indicator of what it was, and who (my dear child?!?!) it was coming from. I picked Cookie up, where a warm surprise greeted my arm about the time I put it under her butt. Thanks!!!! I held her out with 2 arms and sprinted (as all pregnant girls do, so gracefully) to the car. There was no spare outfit! I took care of business, and then came upon a package I had received earlier in the day. It just happened to be a pillowcase dress I’d “won” off of eBay, for Cookie! Voila! Problem solved. After another trip back into the store, we picked up Smartie and TooCool, and headed home.
Little did I realize, home didn’t mean squat as far as comfort. Around 10 p.m., and after 5 more “lovely” diapers, I thought I’d use my awesome motherly judgment, and give Cookie a ½ tsp of children’s immodium. Would a doctor recommend it? No, but I’m a mother, and SO much smarter than doctors these days. Never mind the fact it takes like a mint rear end (I know, I’ve tasted it….pretty bad). I sat on the kitchen floor with her and got about ¼ tsp of liquid in her mouth before she decided to repay me….by vomiting hot, curdled milk all about me (hair, shirt, hands, arms, legs, etc.). Then SHE cries! What? Shouldn’t I be crying? I’m the one covered in PUKE! I get the kitchen cleaned up, and by the time Peabody rolls in around 10:30 we’re in the tub. Day one down!
Before I get to the good stuff, I’m sure you noticed I baled on the promise of writing every day in November…since it IS November 3rd, and today’s the first day of posting. But I have a pretty good excuse. I mean, it’s no “dog ate my homework”, but a real, valid, excuse. Take it or don’t. I don’t care.
Ahhh glorious Thursday! Practically Friday, and I’m happy. Cookie decided to have diarrhea that morning before school, but it wasn’t a big deal. Nothing I couldn’t handle (Now Peabody? That’s another story.) Took her to school, where she was THE cutest scarecrow I’ve ever personally seen. She made it through the day playing and having fun. When I went to get her out at 2:30, I noticed she was wearing a different outfit. I felt so fortunate to have missed the diarrhea scandal that had gone down 5 minutes before! Apparently she could’ve won a contest for crapping at that point….out of the diaper, down the legs, on the clothes, etc. That’s my girl!
A few hours later it was time to take Smartie to gymnastics. We dropped her off and headed to Books-A-Million to pick up the best books ever in the world!!!! (Twilight series – but that’s another post!). We made it to the 2nd row when I heard something I was unsure of. The foul smell that followed gave me a clear indicator of what it was, and who (my dear child?!?!) it was coming from. I picked Cookie up, where a warm surprise greeted my arm about the time I put it under her butt. Thanks!!!! I held her out with 2 arms and sprinted (as all pregnant girls do, so gracefully) to the car. There was no spare outfit! I took care of business, and then came upon a package I had received earlier in the day. It just happened to be a pillowcase dress I’d “won” off of eBay, for Cookie! Voila! Problem solved. After another trip back into the store, we picked up Smartie and TooCool, and headed home.
Little did I realize, home didn’t mean squat as far as comfort. Around 10 p.m., and after 5 more “lovely” diapers, I thought I’d use my awesome motherly judgment, and give Cookie a ½ tsp of children’s immodium. Would a doctor recommend it? No, but I’m a mother, and SO much smarter than doctors these days. Never mind the fact it takes like a mint rear end (I know, I’ve tasted it….pretty bad). I sat on the kitchen floor with her and got about ¼ tsp of liquid in her mouth before she decided to repay me….by vomiting hot, curdled milk all about me (hair, shirt, hands, arms, legs, etc.). Then SHE cries! What? Shouldn’t I be crying? I’m the one covered in PUKE! I get the kitchen cleaned up, and by the time Peabody rolls in around 10:30 we’re in the tub. Day one down!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Vomit, Butter and Coffee.(06.23.08)
Vomit happened. I could’ve used butter. And then my butt ate coffee. All in the span of 15 minutes!
Last night on my way home, I decided to stop at Sonic to get my daily Java Chiller fix. A Java Chiller is like heaven in a cup, and cheaper than Joe Muggs or Star Bucks, so that’s an extra! CoolTeen and Cookie were along for the ride.I placed my order. Cookie was happy, yapping away. CoolTeen and I were making small talk. (I was being cool, as usual.) A hacking noise came from the back seat, and I realized Cookie was choking on something. I still haven’t figured out what it was, other than the most disgusting, clobbered milk EVER known to man. You know what I’m talking about. I pondered to myself whether I should let her “sit and simmer” until we got home; OR, risk taking her out of her seat to clean her up, and then scream, push and cuss for another 10 solid minutes trying to get her back IN her seat. Might I add that Cookie was not at all bothered by this vomity goodness. She was smiling, playing, and rubbing it in her hair.
I took all I could stand. Within 2 minutes, the stench had wafted to the front seat, and I decided to clean her up (for my own selfish reasons).I opened the door and realized I parked too close to the stupid ordering window. Did I re-park? Heck no. That would’ve taken more effort than I could muster.
Instead, I attempted to squeeze my voluptuous self out of the area smaller than the end of a ballpoint pen. This is where the butter would’ve been helpful. Seriously. I still have marks on myself where I successfully managed this feat.Did I mention I was sporting the most insane “hawk” you’ve ever witnessed in the history of man?!?!?! My faux-hawk was rocking like there was no tomorrow. I was just playing around at home, did one, and then forgot it was there. Oh I was getting props for my mad hair skills. I’m awesome.
ANYHOW….I get to the other side of the car when the car-hop-girl comes up with 3 chillers. I give them to CoolTeen and tell him to put them “somewhere” until I can finish with Cookie…FIGURING he’d hold one, and put one in each cup holder. Get Cookie all cleaned up, happy with myself, thinking it was way easier than it should’ve been. I go around to my side to get in the car again, and this time hold my breath and try to “do it fast and get it over with” (gee, how many times have I said that in my life!) I suck in, twist, and contort myself, and finally! Plop into the seat, where I had a very unusual feeling come about my butt. I jumped (if you can “jump” 6 inches in a car) thinking I’d been shot. My life flashed before my eyes. And then CoolTeen laughed. Terd. The Genius-To-Be-Called-CoolTeen actually had the idea (and followed through…that’s my boy!) to sit my chiller in my seat. Ehx-cuse-meh? I yelled some obscenities (of course all my windows were down, so I was playing the W.T. role perfectly) and then yelled at CoolTeen for sitting it there in the first place.Have you ever had a coffee enema? They do those, you know. Yesterday was my first one. I think in the future I’d like it to have a little less bite, and a bit of a warmer temperature.
Do you know what he had the gumption to tell me?! “Oh sorry, Mom. Next time I’ll tell them to reinforce the sides of the cup with steel!!!!”CoolTeen is now in a FADI coma (fist-and-drug induced).
Okay, I’m kidding – you crazy people and your non-having-sense-of-humor-beavers. Whatever.The one plus that came out of all of this is now I have a long-lasting coffee-scented seat. You couldn’t pay for one of those. I rock! Oh, and one more thing. By the time I got home and took off pants, my butt was dried.
This morning I went to take a shower. Peabody was in the bathroom and said “Did you crap in your pants or something?” Well OF COURSE I DID! No. “Are you sure,” he said, “because you have a fart stain on the back of your panties.” Really, bucko…that high? I wasn’t aware I’d had my fart-maker transplanted to top of my butt. Idiot.
Last night on my way home, I decided to stop at Sonic to get my daily Java Chiller fix. A Java Chiller is like heaven in a cup, and cheaper than Joe Muggs or Star Bucks, so that’s an extra! CoolTeen and Cookie were along for the ride.I placed my order. Cookie was happy, yapping away. CoolTeen and I were making small talk. (I was being cool, as usual.) A hacking noise came from the back seat, and I realized Cookie was choking on something. I still haven’t figured out what it was, other than the most disgusting, clobbered milk EVER known to man. You know what I’m talking about. I pondered to myself whether I should let her “sit and simmer” until we got home; OR, risk taking her out of her seat to clean her up, and then scream, push and cuss for another 10 solid minutes trying to get her back IN her seat. Might I add that Cookie was not at all bothered by this vomity goodness. She was smiling, playing, and rubbing it in her hair.
I took all I could stand. Within 2 minutes, the stench had wafted to the front seat, and I decided to clean her up (for my own selfish reasons).I opened the door and realized I parked too close to the stupid ordering window. Did I re-park? Heck no. That would’ve taken more effort than I could muster.
Instead, I attempted to squeeze my voluptuous self out of the area smaller than the end of a ballpoint pen. This is where the butter would’ve been helpful. Seriously. I still have marks on myself where I successfully managed this feat.Did I mention I was sporting the most insane “hawk” you’ve ever witnessed in the history of man?!?!?! My faux-hawk was rocking like there was no tomorrow. I was just playing around at home, did one, and then forgot it was there. Oh I was getting props for my mad hair skills. I’m awesome.
ANYHOW….I get to the other side of the car when the car-hop-girl comes up with 3 chillers. I give them to CoolTeen and tell him to put them “somewhere” until I can finish with Cookie…FIGURING he’d hold one, and put one in each cup holder. Get Cookie all cleaned up, happy with myself, thinking it was way easier than it should’ve been. I go around to my side to get in the car again, and this time hold my breath and try to “do it fast and get it over with” (gee, how many times have I said that in my life!) I suck in, twist, and contort myself, and finally! Plop into the seat, where I had a very unusual feeling come about my butt. I jumped (if you can “jump” 6 inches in a car) thinking I’d been shot. My life flashed before my eyes. And then CoolTeen laughed. Terd. The Genius-To-Be-Called-CoolTeen actually had the idea (and followed through…that’s my boy!) to sit my chiller in my seat. Ehx-cuse-meh? I yelled some obscenities (of course all my windows were down, so I was playing the W.T. role perfectly) and then yelled at CoolTeen for sitting it there in the first place.Have you ever had a coffee enema? They do those, you know. Yesterday was my first one. I think in the future I’d like it to have a little less bite, and a bit of a warmer temperature.
Do you know what he had the gumption to tell me?! “Oh sorry, Mom. Next time I’ll tell them to reinforce the sides of the cup with steel!!!!”CoolTeen is now in a FADI coma (fist-and-drug induced).
Okay, I’m kidding – you crazy people and your non-having-sense-of-humor-beavers. Whatever.The one plus that came out of all of this is now I have a long-lasting coffee-scented seat. You couldn’t pay for one of those. I rock! Oh, and one more thing. By the time I got home and took off pants, my butt was dried.
This morning I went to take a shower. Peabody was in the bathroom and said “Did you crap in your pants or something?” Well OF COURSE I DID! No. “Are you sure,” he said, “because you have a fart stain on the back of your panties.” Really, bucko…that high? I wasn’t aware I’d had my fart-maker transplanted to top of my butt. Idiot.
Day Two (06.23.08)
Saturday we got up early and headed to Sea World. We had just arrived when I realized I left all our tickets the hotel. After another hour of driving and cussing enough to be a sailor, we arrived at Sea World for the 2nd time.
I could insert all sorts of thoughts going through my mind, then and now. Hmmm…..no politically correct way to say what I’m thinking. Ahh, nevermind. If you know me, call me and ask….or maybe you already know what I’m thinking….ya bunch of suckas.
Our smart friends had brought their tickets the first time, so they were already in the park. We spent the next hour looking for them. Finally we met up, did our sight-seeing, kid-slapping, slur-throwing business, and had a little fun.
Smartie rode her first roller coaster, and loved it. That’s my girl!!!! Even CoolTeen & Peabody had to get in some kiddy rides.
I had just made some smart-mouthed comment about how I wished it would pour down rain and cool us off. 30 minutes later, the rains came down like a flood. Everything was shut down for over an hour. Have you ever tried to get your child off of a 40-foot high climbing ropey-jungle-gym-thingy with lightening all around? I don’t recommend it. Not that it bothered me (hey—everybody needs a jolt every now and then!), but CoolTeen drove me NUTS thinking Smartie would be hurt. I’m glad he suddenly decided to be protective, because the other 364 days a year he wouldn’t pee on her if she were on fire!
In the middle of it all Cookie decided to throw a fit, classic style.
The rain drove most people away, and after waiting over an hour (and wasting loads of money on 5 varieties of ice cream) the rides opened back up. We rode the Electric Eel over and over again. The first time Bestie and I sat in the very front car. We made fun of a sign while in line that said you had to wear your shirt while riding, but didn’t think anything of it until the first drop. The tricky wind undid Bestie’s sarong and out popped Sidekick #1. Do you know how hard it is to catch one of those while on a roller coaster? Oh it’s tricky all right...and it doesn’t help when said wind is blowing slobber on you, from your friend’s mouth, because her mouth is open wide laughing. That’s what friends are for!!! Ride #2 was just as funny, but for different reasons. The “couple” in front of us had matching rings, tattoos, and were so in love. They were “special”. Guess you had to be there.
So we pay around $50 a piece to get in to this park, and what do my kids have the most fun doing? Playing in trees!!!!
We bailed out around 9 and headed to TGIF’s for dinner. Can you say POMEGRANATE MARGARITA?!?!?!? Oh, sweet heaven….when I’m a millionaire, I’ll have a pool of it to swim in. Not only is it pretty to look at (hey—presentation is everything), but makes you feel better AND has antioxidants!!! It’s a jack-of-all-trades!
I guess Cookie wasn’t as impressed with our surroundings. While I was gone to the bathroom, she unloaded vomit like a pro, all over Peabody and the aisle. The people sitting nearby were impressed no doubt!
I could insert all sorts of thoughts going through my mind, then and now. Hmmm…..no politically correct way to say what I’m thinking. Ahh, nevermind. If you know me, call me and ask….or maybe you already know what I’m thinking….ya bunch of suckas.
Our smart friends had brought their tickets the first time, so they were already in the park. We spent the next hour looking for them. Finally we met up, did our sight-seeing, kid-slapping, slur-throwing business, and had a little fun.
Smartie rode her first roller coaster, and loved it. That’s my girl!!!! Even CoolTeen & Peabody had to get in some kiddy rides.
I had just made some smart-mouthed comment about how I wished it would pour down rain and cool us off. 30 minutes later, the rains came down like a flood. Everything was shut down for over an hour. Have you ever tried to get your child off of a 40-foot high climbing ropey-jungle-gym-thingy with lightening all around? I don’t recommend it. Not that it bothered me (hey—everybody needs a jolt every now and then!), but CoolTeen drove me NUTS thinking Smartie would be hurt. I’m glad he suddenly decided to be protective, because the other 364 days a year he wouldn’t pee on her if she were on fire!
In the middle of it all Cookie decided to throw a fit, classic style.
The rain drove most people away, and after waiting over an hour (and wasting loads of money on 5 varieties of ice cream) the rides opened back up. We rode the Electric Eel over and over again. The first time Bestie and I sat in the very front car. We made fun of a sign while in line that said you had to wear your shirt while riding, but didn’t think anything of it until the first drop. The tricky wind undid Bestie’s sarong and out popped Sidekick #1. Do you know how hard it is to catch one of those while on a roller coaster? Oh it’s tricky all right...and it doesn’t help when said wind is blowing slobber on you, from your friend’s mouth, because her mouth is open wide laughing. That’s what friends are for!!! Ride #2 was just as funny, but for different reasons. The “couple” in front of us had matching rings, tattoos, and were so in love. They were “special”. Guess you had to be there.
So we pay around $50 a piece to get in to this park, and what do my kids have the most fun doing? Playing in trees!!!!
We bailed out around 9 and headed to TGIF’s for dinner. Can you say POMEGRANATE MARGARITA?!?!?!? Oh, sweet heaven….when I’m a millionaire, I’ll have a pool of it to swim in. Not only is it pretty to look at (hey—presentation is everything), but makes you feel better AND has antioxidants!!! It’s a jack-of-all-trades!
I guess Cookie wasn’t as impressed with our surroundings. While I was gone to the bathroom, she unloaded vomit like a pro, all over Peabody and the aisle. The people sitting nearby were impressed no doubt!
Have you ever tried to de-pant at Chuck E. Cheese? (01.07.08)
Well, I didn't just try to take my pants off in front of a Chuck E. Cheese, but I accomplished it! That's right, at 7 p.m. on a Saturday night, I was shuckin' the britches. Fun it was! What lead up to the occurence was even more fun than that.
Mental picture: Me, serene and calm, as usual, in the middle of chaotic Chuck E. Cheese's. Cookie and I were bonding, I tell you. Apparently she wanted to bond in a different sort of way than I was thinking. She got choked on a mushroom, so I let her puke in my hand (ahh, the joys of motherhood!). No big deal. I've seen puke more times than I can count. She gags a bit more, and proceeds to chunk on my jacket/shirt. Still not horrible, to me, since I've been through this before. Just as I'm about to wipe off myself, she makes a little gaggy sound again. I say, "Cookie, don't throw up on mommy." Evidentally she has a hearing problem too. Vomit shot out of her mouth like water from a firehose. I wish I could insert the sound effect here, I can do it perfectly. Anyhow, this time I actually screamed (which was muffled by the screams of 500 other children running amok) and held her away from me. The guy at the table next to me asks if I need
anything. "YES! PPEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBOOOOOOODDDDDDYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Again, another shot of the puke. My girl has The Exorcist topped easy! Peabody finally shows up and says "Oh, yuck.", and thinking it's no big deal, because he can only see my shirt. Then I lean over and show him the vomit-pool I'm swimming in, and he looks sickish. I take Cookie to the bathroom, the both of us dripping. Some nice lady tried to help me wipe off my pants, but to no avail. This nasty crap either curdled off and fell in chunks on the floor, or smeared. That's an awesome feeling. Really. I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say this is the most I've ever seen a child puke.
Fast forward to outside. I told the kids we had to go, obviously. We get outside, and I realize there's NO WAY I'm sitting in my car with these jeans on. My jacket, if you recall, was also puke-ified, so I wasn't sitting on that either. I made the wise decision to ditch the jeans, but the removal of them wasn't as easy. Not just because we were on the Loop on a busy weekend evening, but because chunks of vomity goodness were falling out from the INSIDE, smearing as I went. Bleck. I was NOT impressed. People were even getting in the car next to us. Oh well, like they've never seen legs before. Dorks.
Mental picture: Me, serene and calm, as usual, in the middle of chaotic Chuck E. Cheese's. Cookie and I were bonding, I tell you. Apparently she wanted to bond in a different sort of way than I was thinking. She got choked on a mushroom, so I let her puke in my hand (ahh, the joys of motherhood!). No big deal. I've seen puke more times than I can count. She gags a bit more, and proceeds to chunk on my jacket/shirt. Still not horrible, to me, since I've been through this before. Just as I'm about to wipe off myself, she makes a little gaggy sound again. I say, "Cookie, don't throw up on mommy." Evidentally she has a hearing problem too. Vomit shot out of her mouth like water from a firehose. I wish I could insert the sound effect here, I can do it perfectly. Anyhow, this time I actually screamed (which was muffled by the screams of 500 other children running amok) and held her away from me. The guy at the table next to me asks if I need
anything. "YES! PPEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBOOOOOOODDDDDDYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Again, another shot of the puke. My girl has The Exorcist topped easy! Peabody finally shows up and says "Oh, yuck.", and thinking it's no big deal, because he can only see my shirt. Then I lean over and show him the vomit-pool I'm swimming in, and he looks sickish. I take Cookie to the bathroom, the both of us dripping. Some nice lady tried to help me wipe off my pants, but to no avail. This nasty crap either curdled off and fell in chunks on the floor, or smeared. That's an awesome feeling. Really. I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say this is the most I've ever seen a child puke.
Fast forward to outside. I told the kids we had to go, obviously. We get outside, and I realize there's NO WAY I'm sitting in my car with these jeans on. My jacket, if you recall, was also puke-ified, so I wasn't sitting on that either. I made the wise decision to ditch the jeans, but the removal of them wasn't as easy. Not just because we were on the Loop on a busy weekend evening, but because chunks of vomity goodness were falling out from the INSIDE, smearing as I went. Bleck. I was NOT impressed. People were even getting in the car next to us. Oh well, like they've never seen legs before. Dorks.
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