Beer Makes Hair Healthy! (i.e. Piss for your Hair)

After the ‘bout-with-the-bug’ yesterday, *surely* nothing but boredom would ensue for the remainder of the day. Wrong.

That’s when you decide to see what that watery noise is – that’s clearly NOT someone peeing – coming from the loo. Ahhh, Duke – ever the metrosexual – is already into taking care of his beautiful blonde curls. He’s standing by the toilet, with the measuring cup – from the sugar bowl? Yes, the sugar bowl. Because haven’t you heard? Everyone who’s anyone exfoliates with sugar at the toilet – and rinses off with cup-fulls of liquid from it.

I *finally* figure out what’s going on.

Duke, has heard – from countless years (what? 2.5 years – that’s 30 months) of media bombardment, that beer? Is good for your hair. Being the genius he is, he’s determine from the best of all sources (read: me!) that beer…. Smells like horse piss. Tastes like horse piss. If you look up beer in the dictionary, it shows a picture of – you guessed it! Your Mom. Kidding. It shows a piss-laden horse stall.

It’s *obvious* the boy wanted to take care of his hair – knew the horses were on the *other* side of the ranch – and used what was available at the moment.

Kinda like when you’re in the mood to do some stained glass artistry – and out of supplies – so instead, you throw a marshmallow in a glass bowl, put in a fork, and voila! It catches on fire, explodes, and creates the most interesting looking stained glass bid’ness I daresay I’ve ever seen.

If I get a deer-kick to the teeth - I'll have hoof in mouth.

It’s not at *all* unusual (read: highly unlikely) to drive up and see Byron sitting outside with the kids, but this time? It was *slightly* funny, considering the fact he was out with Duke, who was only wearing shorts….with a temperature of 51 degrees. Well, *Duke* didn’t have a 51 degree temperature, but he was *outside*, and it was 51 degrees out there. I digress. Did I mention this was less than 24 hours after Duke was sent home from school, with fever, and projectile vomiting? Duke didn’t seem to care, and besides….as Byron pointed out, they *were* sitting in the sun.

Last weekend we attempted some fun here and there. Do you know what’s fun and is *free*?! A playpen! Or seems like it’s called something else these days, but after 4 kids, I can’t recall. You say tomato, I say…the grossest food ever unless it’s in soup or ketchup. Violet and Duke played a good hour or more on in, in it, around it, hanging and flipping off it, climbing it, and so on….*and* although I can’t say we came away injury free, there were *NO* trips to the hospital! Score 1 Ashley!!!!

We also attempted to do Chuck E. Cheese for the 2nd time this year. Don’t think we’ll be headed back anytime soon. Oh the happy memories from days of yore at the Mouse House: from the time I puked the *entire* way home – out the window – with Q and friends in the backseat; to the time Violet puked all over the table *and* me – right beside some family who just had their pizza served, *and* I had to de-pant myself right on Loop 281; to this visit, when I did the unthinkable, and attempted entering the depths of hell with 3 of my kids – aged 6 and under. Wrong. Duke got lost, fell backwards off the tricycle to the ceiling, and was rescued by an anonymous do-gooder. The suck-bag grandpa who *LET* Duke fall, and didn’t even *ATTEMPT* to get him off before he fell – while his *OWN* granddaughter was on the damn thing – should be *awful* glad I took a double-dose of Depakote that day. Duke did have fun before the unfortunate accident, and was absolutely obsessed with riding in the car with the mouse.

The Duke decided to get a bit more attention later on. He was feeling neglected because his sisters were playing princess makeover. All was quiet in the house for 15 minutes, and that’s when you know it’s gonna fall apart…when everything *seems* fine. Apparently Violet resorted to getting Duke out of their room by giving him some purple mascara. At least he figured out it’s supposed to go on the face…….and I've decided to consider tasting it myself. I do *loooooove* to eat icing, and It *does* have the look of purple icing, no?