Mummies in the house!!

I was nearly *certain* I’d made an exciting archaeological discovery a few days ago.

The girls were climbing in bed, getting ready to call it a night, when Violet got mad (imagine!) and threw one of her stuffed animals at the wall. I had to run for a Xanax when I saw Gracelyn *VOLUNTEER* to try to get it...for her sister! She couldn’t manage to reach it, so she asked me to do it. I tried and tried with the gimp arm with no success, so I got a flashlight. What I saw next made me reach for another Xanax (sweet joy!). It was....a rib cage! All sinewy, red, brown, streaks of tan...about the size of....the cats.

A thousand thoughts flew through my head all at once: Was this the cat that disappeared last summer? Did this rib-cage belong to one of the ghosts in my house? Wouldn’t a 3rd-time boob job be the charm? How do people get discombobulated? Have you ever seen someone who was combobulated?

Alas, I realized it wasn’t any of those things, but instead a rack of ribs from our last barbeque. Wait a minute...when was our last barbeque? Labor Day? Surely not...4th of July. Ha. Yep! On the 4th of July, we had a bunch of friends over, and one of ‘em volunteered for rib duty.

The only logical conclusion I’ve come to is that my kids have *finally* realized that I? Am *not* a cooker (as Gracelyn calls it) and took the ribs for possible future use.

I wanted to get a photo of ‘em, and haven’t had time yet – so you’ll be relieved to learn they’re in a safe and protected environment, behind the dresser.

Don’t judge me. I’m gonna put ‘em in a jar with formaldehyde for the Halloween party Friday.

Violet, do you have beer in your bedroom again?

"Violet, do you have beer in your bedroom again?" And no...I'm not talking to my 21-year-old daughter. She's 2. What can I say? I'm practicing right now for our future talks.

This morning I went into the girls' room, and immediately smelled beer. Byron mentioned something about it the day before, but I couldn't smell anything at the time. Besides, their room had been *thoroughly* cleaned just 2 days before. Today though? REEKED of beer. Like the party back in the day that I went to where some stupid girl poured beer all over me and my leather bomber jacket, and then I had to walk home, and then I told my parents I fell in sewage instead (to explain the beer, sticker burrs and mud all over me). Yeah, I was a *great* liar back in the day....and you *so* know they believed it. I digress.

I started picking up random things in the girls room and smelling them, trying to diagnose the problem. I finally got around to the play kitchen, moved the little table out of the way, and found this:

Notice how I used the banana for scale, so you could see the actual size of said mystery object. Okay, actually I found the banana in the room too, but isn't it cool how the 2 foods were sitting just like that so I could attempt to use it for an excuse?

A photo from Ground Zero. Notice the height of the object. I think there's a small stem in it too.

I asked Violet what it was, and she said, "Itha uh-may-tah. Now. Put ith in my fidja-ratr.", and she politely opened the door. Translation: It's a tomato. Now. Put it in my refridgerator.

First one to correctly identify the mystery object gets to keep it!