A margarita for mommy. and a bloody nose for you!

After the *good* time I had day before yesterday with Duke drinking piss and tequila, I figured it would be at least another week before something note-worthy happened. I should know better. That’s never the case.

Today started out normal enough. I woke up late…as usual. The kids got to school late…again. I picked up my Mom and made the *adult* decision to have some balls and take initiative to continue working out every day, so that’s exactly what we did. After shaping my body into a *true* work of art, we decided to grab a bite to eat, and get something healthy. Fate intervened when some moron pulled into MY parking space in the deli, so we were forced to wait for another. Then I realized that Chili’s was in the next lot over…and we *could* have something healthy there too. Three Southwest egg rolls, 15 chili glazed chicken wings, and *ahem* 3 margaritas later, it was time for a nap. Hey…I earned it!

I crashed at my aunt’s house for a few minutes (or 2 hours), and then we went to pick up the kids. That’s when the *real* fun started. I was pleased as punch that Gracelyn got a green dot, AND a recommendation from the teacher to be placed in the Gifted & Talented program!!

We were on our way home when Violet started beating Gracelyn in the head with a plastic bottle (to congratulate her on her school achievement). It was innocent enough, I suppose, but Gracelyn was NOT impressed, and retaliated with a punch in the gut. Payback from Violet was served up with another bottle smack to the head, and hair pulling. Gracelyn let out the most high-pitched scream *evah*, started crying, turned around, and slapped Violet in the face. Now both girls were crying and screaming, and I did the thing any *good* mother would do. I started laughing, and told them both they had it coming. ALL while I’m driving!! Another glance in the rearview mirror showed Violet with a bloody nose. About the time I told Quentin to get a napkin, my Mom yelled, “Oh no! She’s bleeding everywhere!”

I try to imagine what people in other cars thought when they passed us….all in my pimped out mini-van, me driving, my Mom’s butt up in the air….because she was standing on her knees in the seat, leaning over trying to help Violet. By this time Gracelyn’s screaming thinking she’s killed Violet. Quentin was absolutely NO help at all. Violet’s nose was literally *squirting* blood, and I was saying, “Wait! Someone get my camera!” Priorities, people. It’s ALL about priorities.

Long story short, everyone in the family survived. The only death was for Violet’s shirt and 5 blood soaked napkins. When I got her out of the car, she had blood all over her legs and said, “But Mom! My wegs is bweedin’!" I didn’t get a picture of her bloody face, but I did get one of some of the damage, and looking perfect 20 minutes later.

This would technically make her *third* broken nose, in less than a year, and she’ll be 3 next month. Anyone want to donate to the upcoming nose job fund? I would be *much* obliged.

Bronchitis and a bloody nose (01.22.08)

I had an exciting weekend. Exciting may not be the best word choice now that I think about it. Exciting makes you think it was fun….awesome…exciting! It was opposite of that.

Sunday morning I got the kids ready and we headed off to church. Cookie was unusually happy, babbling through most of the service. Smartie was happy too, quite unusual, and went to Children’s Worship. T.Clutch announced that the office would be closed for MLK Day, so I would get the day off. Woohoo! Even I was happy!

After church we went home, and I laid down with Cookie for a nap. When we woke up, she sounded like a 30-year smoker with emphysema. I waited most of the afternoon around the house, to see if she’d get better. By 4:30 I’d made up my mind to go to the E.R. with her. Fun!

Long story short, they said she had bronchitis, and kept asking if she had asthma; NO. They sent us home, FINALLY, with an inhaler. All was well, or at least good for the moment. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I just knew I should’ve gone to work Monday. But I didn’t. I stayed home with the kids, looking forward to a long lazy day. Cookie had other plans, of course. She decided to pull a small table over on her face. I expected to see a purple punk-knot on her head, but when I picked her up, blood was everywhere. I’m NOT exaggerating…it really was everywhere. I ran her to the kitchen, screaming along the way; grabbed some paper towels and held them over her face. Then I debated who to call….Peabody? Mom? 911?

I called the doctor’s office when I realized she’d busted her nose. (imagine me, shrieking, yelling, hyperventilating….)

“Premier Pediatrics.”

“Are you open today?!?!?! Is this the answering service?”

“Yes ma’am. We’re open.”“I need a doctor on the phone. NOW!!!!! I think my baby broke her nose!!!!”

“Calm down ma’am. Let me take your information and I’ll get a phone nurse to call you back.”

“She might bleed to death by then. I don’t want a call back. Give me a nurse NOW!!!!!”

After talking to the nurse, I felt a little better. Cookie’s nose finally stopped bleeding, but every time she sneezed it would splatter. Imagine that.

Smartie looks in the trash can 30 minutes later, completely oblivious to what happened.“What’s all this blood in the trash can?”“It’s where Cookie busted her nose.”(Sound exasperated…..) “Oh gosh. I guess we’ll have to take her to the hospital again before you kill somebody.”Sounds about right!