Can't anything ever be easy?!?!?!

Every time my family gets ready to leave from home, I tell the girls to go outside, get in the car, and put their seat belts on. No matter what I threaten them with (grounding, taking toys away, spanking, etc.) they *never* go straight to the car. They always chase after the cats and dogs, ride their bikes….*anything* to avoid doing what I asked them.

Why would I think this morning would be any different? Byron had already left for church, so I herded up the children and had them heading to the car. The girls, as usual, didn’t get in the car like I told them to, so I was already mad. I was slightly relieved by the fact that it took me less than 10 minutes to get them in and go.

I got about a mile from home when I heard Duke gagging. I looked in the back seat to see Violet with her fingers in his mouth, so naturally I told her to get them out. She’s been known for sticking them in there before, trying to get him to “bite” her. After she took her hand out he was still gagging, so I started slowing down to pull over. Then Violet shouted, “My key! My key!” I’m pretty sure I had my first coronary right at that moment when I realized she had shoved “her” key in his mouth. Where did she get the key ,you might ask. I would sheepishly reply, “Well, Violet was making noise and crying for some keys to play with, and I didn’t have her key ring with me. Instead I just gave her a key I found in the cup holder to shut her up.” I had just said I couldn’t drive with all the noise, and was doing anything to keep them quiet. Just in case you’re in this situation in the future….never give your 2 year old a key….ESPECIALLY if they’re sitting next to their 5 month old brother.

I was still going about 40 mph, but by this time the he wasn’t making any noise. I whipped the car over into the nearest ditch, jumped out, and jerked him out. When you’re in a hurry, those stupid car seat buckles are impossible to get off. I turned him upside down on one arm, and hit him as hard as I could in the back. His eyes, nose and mouth were purple. Look, I’m LOVING the color purple in my hair, and even in a shirt. But on my child’s face? Not attractive.

I was still out in the middle of nowhere, and there were only 2 houses nearby. I picked the one with the shorter driveway, but it was still a good ¼ mile. And then I started running, and kept running until I fell down. Jumped back up, kicked off my flip-flops, and kept running. Ran into their dogs, and kept running. I’m not exactly sure what they thought about some crazy-purple-haired girl running down their driveway with a baby, but I know if I ever saw something like that, it would scare the ever loving tar out of me! Finally I made it to their house, and rang the doorbell a million times over. The residents, a man and woman, ran out to help, thinking I’d had a car wreck. When they figured out what was going on, we all ran inside and they called 911. I kept beating Duke on the back trying to get him to breathe, but we never saw the key come out. The operator stayed on the phone with us until Duke started breathing good again, and they asked me to take him to the hospital.

The lady, Al Sumpter, drove me back out to my car, and my girls. Did I already mention I left them in the car with it running? I knew they couldn’t go anywhere, even if they put the car in drive, because it was STUCK in the mud. I figured with my luck a cop would drive and I’d get in trouble for leaving children unattended, but that didn’t happen. Both girls were still in the car. Violet was swinging from the grip bar and playing, and Gracelyn was crying. Gracelyn informed me that Violet needed to pee, so she just went all over the back seat. Lovely! Then Violet said, “Where’s my key?!” Sounds about right. My car had sunk further into the mud, but Mr. Sumpter went and got some chains to pull me out. I will be forever grateful to that couple!

I took Duke to the GSMC E.R. They got him back pretty quickly and took an x-ray. They’d already discussed how they’d have to get the key out, which would require him being put under, and using a scope, or doing surgery. Neither seemed to appealing to me. See how upset Duke looked by the whole ordeal? Obviously VERY stressed...lol.


The doctor came back with the x-ray results, and finally told us…NO KEY! He said it must’ve flown out one of the times I was hitting Duke in the back. I have never been so relieved in my life!

This afternoon’s plan? To find every spare key, change, or any other small part lying around and throw it away, or put it up and away. My kids will have to think of some other creative way to have me institutionalized!