“My mom can squirt milk out of her boob.” Those were the exact words my 5-year old used to enlighten an elderly stranger in the checkout line at the grocery store. When in public, she gets pretty shy, and either pretends you don’t exist, OR gives you the classic “go to hell” look. I’m fine with either of these, but of course, she had to go and show off a few days ago.
It takes a lot to upset or embarrass me, but I did get a little pink in the cheeks trying to get Graceyn to shut her fat mouth. It went something like this:
Old Man: Hi! You sure are a cutie!
Gracelyn: No response.
Old Man: And it looks like you’re going to be a big sister soon. (pointing to my belly)
Gracelyn: I already AM a big sister, but I’ll be another big sister when this baby gets here. They’re going to cut him out of my mom’s belly in a few days.
Old Man: Oh. I see.
Gracelyn: And you know what? My mom can squirt milk out of her boob. The other day my mom was fixing her shirt, and there was a big wet spot on her shirt and I was like, “Mom, what’s that comin’ out of your nipple?” (She learned the word nipple last week and has tried to use it in every conversation since then.) And my mom told me it was milk for the baby. And I was like, “Oh that’s SOOO gross that you have milk in your boob. You could, like, squirt somebody in the eye with that, and that would be really funny."
Old Man: Stunned silence.
Gracelyn: I’d be like, Quentin, you better quit messing with me or I’m gonna tell Mom to squirt you with that milk.
Old Man: Suddenly remembers he needed a few more items from the store, and walks away.
Yeah, out of the mouths of babes. Gotta love ‘em! And by the way….I’m available for parties.